During my emergency CS, my husband was allowed inside the operating room. The actual operation took no more than five minutes, and my husband keenly observed the entire process and peered into my innards, like a medical intern, all the while taking videos and photos. 

Yep, he literally knows me inside and out. I never had the courage to look at the photos and videos he took at the operating room, save for a couple of our first family pictures with Thirdy.

Then, a year later, while working on our AVP for the little guys' first birthday party, I saw this.

Hello Darling, welcome to the 'outside world!'

Taken just a moment after the doctors took him out of Mommy's tummy, while he let out his first cry. Taken just a little bit before I finally met the little guy, which felt like an eternity of anticipation to me then.

I think it's raw and powerful, capable of forming a lump in my throat and evoking what I felt that day I met him.

I think it's beautiful. ❤

Otherwise entitled, "Happy first birthday, Thirdypooper!"

My dear Thirdy,

Today, you turn one. Has it been a year since I cradled you in my arms for the first time, oh so small and sweet smelling? Momma was too weak then from a rather looong and taxing labor which lead to emergency operation anyway. My flesh might be weak that time, but my heart had never been more alive.

On your first birthday, I also celebrate Momma's first birthday. When you were born, Momma was born, too. That Momma with a fresh take at life, that Momma with a gentle yet bold and fierce spirit, that Momma with an incessantly burning drive to be the best for you and give you the best, that Momma with overflowing, limitless love for you, as I'm sure your Daddy is also for you. That Momma who knows what she wants in life, that Momma with that quiet yet brazen confidence to go after the things she wants, a huge part of which is all about you, my dear baby.

Indeed, our lives, or at least our household, now revolves around you -- you and your cuteness and the joy that you bring and more importantly, us looking after you and making sure that every little thing you ever need is unto you. But the truth is, it is YOU who gives us a lot more than we do.

The way you hug and cling to Daddey in the morning. They way you call Momma, the way you lock eyes with Momma while breastfeeding. What more could we ask for? You have given us (not just Momma and Daddy, but also Wawas and Wowos and everybody surrounding you) and you continue to give us joy that no other can bring. That sparkle in your eyes when you smile, that wide-eyed wonder whenever you learn and discover something new, your hugs and "mmmwa"s, they all sustain us. They fill our days with much love, joy, and laughter.

I size you up in awe, wonder, and disbelief while you sleep. I could not quite wrap my fingers around how swift the year zoomed by, how so many things have happened in so brief a period, how different and how wonderful our lives have changed since. I would give anything to keep the way things are now -- your dependence and "addiction" to Mommy, as Daddy calls it, how you rank Momma's touch, hugs, and "dede" as the most familiar and most comfortable things for you, the frenzied excitement each time Momma comes home, never mind that she was gone for just half an hour.

But that is against the rule of nature. There is no stopping you now. You are flourishing, turning out to be such a smart (really smart, biases aside!), sweet yet headstrong little guy. Plus, Daddey is extremely excited to see you learn how to swim, and bike, run, fly a kite, go camping with us, you know, all those stuff we love to do together and would love to do with you (you bet Momma is just as excited as Daddey). Momma can't wait to travel and discover new worlds with you. And we live for the day you pass the UPCAT and finish cum laude, all while being a Best Thesis awardee, excelling in your varsity team, and.. oops. I kid, son. We won't be too hard on you, although we bet you can do all those *wink* and yes, Momma will savor and live in the moment.

You are our present, and I mean that both as a gift and the 'here and now.' You are our future, and you make the pieces of our past all fall into their places. You are a piece of Momma's heart breathing and living outside her body, and I almost literally mean that.

Every 26th of June, please allow Momma jubilant hours to celebrate you, as well as pensive moments to celebrate the Mommah that was born with you. Our hearts are entwined, and we are in this together.

Happy birthday son. You are loved more than I can ever put together in a letter. :)

Hello everyone!

Sorry for the inactivity here. The momster got ill for almost a week. It was terrible. I fell sick in the middle of a holiday with my family, and hence didn't get to milk our two-night staycation in Solaire (yes we were back in Solaire again last weekend!) for all it's worth. Then I had to miss work for a few days and didn't feel like my old 100% efficient self back when I returned. Truth be told, I'm only starting to feel my old hundred per cent back today.

The only consolation was, even though the nasty bug roamed about at home and infected three hapless souls, Thirdy didn't have any of it. He is healthy as a mule, and everyday, I am very grateful for his very consistent good health. Hooray to breastfeeding and hooray to my exclusively breastfed baby for almost a year now! :)

Which brings me to my next point. Our sweet and handsome little man is turning one IN A FEW DAYS! Gasp! One in a few days? Where did time go? It only seems yesterday when we brought him home from the hospital, tiny toes and fingers, soft and reddish and wrinkly and oh so yummy smelling bundle of newborn. And now he is almost a toddler. Waaah he's growing up so fast!

So there you go. I've got quite a lot on my plate now as my little one's big day (make it dayS - his party is on a Saturday, two days after his birthday) fast approaches.

I will surely update you how the party goes. Great, we all imagine how it would turn. Oh, shivers and tingles, we are all giddy excited! Ciao for now! :)

I didn't realize I have gotten too tanned until a gorgeous missy at an event I recently went to exclaimed I have a "very nice tan" and that she is "super envious" of my "bronzed look". People in my workplace have also started to notice. And speak up.

You see, from getting back my fair, creamy complexion after almost two years of not seeing the sun, I've started going out of my shell doing outdoor sports again. Three years and ten pounds ago, I was indeed tan, courtesy of constantly running under the beating sun. Now I'm back into running again, and it remains my favorite sport, but I'm only able to manage short indoor runs for now.

And then come weekends. Oh, weekends! On Saturdays, I devote an hour or so to learn and re-learn freestyle swimming (THE total immersion way, I must say). Just an hour and a half, tops, each week in the outdoor pool and I've roasted myself into a golden brown crunchiness (mmm, cue in image of a litson). While I always make sure I wear a lot of sunblock -- and you should too -- I do not mind getting my old outdoorsy and sporty color back. Not a bit.

Those one to one-and-a-half hour in the pool give me a different kind of high. It leaves me challenged and hungry, and a bit closer to my dream of being a tri mommy. You know, those strong, determined, ultra fit, gorgeous, uber cool supermommas who swim, bike, and run in spite of running a household, keeping the husband happy, and raising awesome kids. The plan is to be one of those. *wink*

Someday soon, momma. :)

What is it with babies (and toddlers!) and off-limit places? They seem to be inexplicably and hypnotically drawn to off-limit zones, whether declared or not. The kitchen counter, the area beyond his play mat, the stairs, behind the door, the door itself, the ever captivating cords, plugs and outlets.

My little explorer has developed a fixation for the fascinating floor. And everytime he gleefully crawls to the floor, we would carry him back to his mat. He would wriggle and wrestle and crawl back to the floor. We would pick him up back to his mat, and the cycle goes on. Until someone gives up. Yes folks, us adults are usually the ones that give up.
I said I'll only let him play on the floor if it is clean enough for me to eat my meals off it, sans a plate. *tongue in cheek* Although our nanny or helper or somebody else at home mops and polishes our floor several times a day, I'm still worried about the germs he'll ingest and I'm too wary he'd bump and fall and hurt himself.

But if your little explorer is this happy..